COULD TRUMP'S MUSLIM BAN AFFECT BRITISH HOUSE PRICES? THE SHOCKING ANSWER REVEALED
Daily Armstretchograph

'Special Relationship' Over Following BBC's Trump Question

Laura Kunesberg, the BBC's political editor, has caused the most public of destructions of the special relationship, only minutes after President Trump reaffirmed it's existence at a packed press conference today.

Asking Trump a question about whether he is suitable to be president, Trump, 76, complained to PM May about the BBC's question and walked off the stage screaming it's over.

One witness told this newspaper: "It was like a scene on Celebrity Big Brother, but without the custard."

May, 45, was left looking confused in an orange suit dress with matching shoes costing over £2500.

Later they both staggered out of the White House onto the lawns holding hands and jabbering incoherently in high pitched voices.

The Media Trumps begin.

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Correction: In yesterday's story: BBC Came Two Seconds Away From Being Called 'Fake News Organisation' By Trump This Week, Claims White House Insider it seems there was an error: BATHMOPHOBIA is a fear of falling down slopes which Donald Trump has, allegedly, which is not a fear of baths as we claimed.

BBC IS FAKE NEWS ORGANISATION SAYS TRUMP
Daily Moan

New Cartoon Series: Crazy Maysie Comes To Support Of President Peacock

Coming up at 6pm Central tonight our latest cartoon series featuring Crazie Maysie the hen prime minister of a small country barn in Western Europe, and new President Peacock who has just been elected president of a large barn over the pond.

Watch the hilarity when they try to walk together on a slippery slope but can't and have to hold hands.

Laugh when Crazy Maysie allows one of her reporter friends to ask the president a rude question.

Wonder if the censors will stop the show going out when Crazy Maysie asks if President Peacock has seen her Pussy. (Pussy is her 5 year old cat, called Pussy!!!)

Wonder what President Peacock's wife, Melania, thought of the Bakewell Tart she was given by the prime minister.

Next week: President Peacock slaps ban on hens with bright red crowns from coming into his barn for trial 90 day period. Dense Pence, President Peacock's second in command, makes the coffee.

The end of the world is nigh continues.

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Also In Today's Paper:

It's A Disgrace! #TheresaTheAppeaser Trends On Twitter

Angela Merkel Told To Go On Diet Ahead Of Trump Meeting

Is Brexit About To Get Super Sexy? Yes, Says David Davis

FLASHY SIR MO NOW REGRETS BUYING FAMILY HOME IN AMERICA, MAY NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Daily Mail

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

Imagine my horror this week, when browsing the internet, to find that I had triggered Article 50 myself and I had to then phone up a number to get my computer released. Luckily I paid my £599 release fee just in time allowing Theresa May to trigger it herself at the end of March. Phew.

Yours, Fred Brexit

Dear Sir,

I had a dream last night that when I posted the Article 50 trigger thingie to Europe I put 'Article 51' where the words 'Article 50' should have been. Has anybody else had any bad Brexit dreams like that? I was in a cold sweat.

Yours, David Davis

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Dear Sir,

I've had this brilliant new idea for my Brexit Party on 1st April 2017. All the food will be cooked to look like the Nazis in World War Two. So me and my guests can happily eat the Nazis up. What better way to celebrate Independence Day?

Yours, Burt Brexatious