Exclusive Privilege Offer: How To Breach The New Times Firewall

Just a week after going paid for here at the online Thun, we can now exclusively reveal a way to get round it for our most valuable readers.

If you have stopped reading us because you have to pay, you don't want to pay even the £1 for the first 30 days trial, and you have an income of over £100K a year, we might be able to do you a deal, love.

Following the catastrophic fall off of our readership last week, we have decided to let those on over £100,000 a year or more, free access to our online newspapers, immediately.

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...like it was in the good old days, just the rich readers together like a club and such.

Do you qualify?

Have you ever ticked a News International Survey that asked for your income, and you ticked over £100,000 pa?

Ever made it on to one of our top 100,000 rich lists?

Well, if you have, just talk to us and we can send you a link to enable you rich darling things to continue to enjoy free entry to our websites.

Government Departments Told To Plan For 110% Cuts

New revelations that some government departments have been told to look for "110% cuts" in their budgets have been revealed to this newspaper.

The secret Treasury project 'Looking For Cuts', said to be a grey skies, or worst case scenario exercise, is to seek out what would happen if the government really went for broke and cut everything and then some.

A Treasury official, in an off the record twittering, sneerily referred to the 40% cuts reported in other newspapers, as completely 'gay'.*

Cuts of 110% and more have never been attempted before in any major economy in the world.

The only time 110% cuts have ever been considered before was when a previously eminent economist was detained for a short period in a mental institution and scrawled his theories on the walls in his own excrement.

In theory it is only possible to cut 100% from government budgets, but the extra 10% might be wrung out if you are prepared to make the really bastard decisions, claimed a highly placed insider.

*The Treasury official, a Conservative, apologised for the gay comment in a subsequent twittering this morning.

Treasury Graduate 'Suck Up' To Produce Plans For 35%, 40%, 45%, 50% And 55% Cuts Respectively

A newly employed college graduate who is determined to make a good impression to his bosses, has promised he will detail, in five reports, plans to cut 35%, 40%, 45%, 50% and 55% respectively from various government departments.

The reports will be fully illustrated with colour pie charts throughout, processed in a state of the art desktop publishing package, and are to be bound professionally by himself using the office binder.

A spokesman for his HR department told this website:

"This shows great initiative. He will surely make it through the first phase of cuts if he does a good job."